Worried a friend isn't safe
Updated
It is frightening when a friend says or posts something that makes you worry about their safety. You might be scared of saying the wrong thing, of making it worse, or of losing them as a friend if you tell anyone.
Caring enough to look this up already matters. You don't have to fix it or find perfect words. Your part is to stay close and to make sure an adult knows.
If you think they are in danger right now
If a friend tells you they are about to hurt themselves, or already have, call your local emergency number (911 in the US) or get an adult straight away. Don't wait until you are sure, and don't keep it to yourself. In the US you can also call or text 988 to talk through what to do.
Talking to them
- Ask them, gently and directly, how they are really doing. Asking someone whether they are thinking about suicide does not put the idea in their head, and many people feel relieved that someone finally asked.
- Listen more than you talk. You don't need answers. "That sounds really hard, and I'm glad you told me" is enough.
- Don't promise to keep it a secret. You can say, "I care about you too much to keep this to myself."
- Tell them they matter to you, in your own words.
- Help them think of someone they could talk to: a parent, a school counsellor, a doctor or a helpline. Offer to go with them or sit with them while they call.
Getting an adult involved
Telling a trusted adult is not betraying your friend. It is how they get the kind of help a friend can't give on their own. A parent, a teacher, a school counsellor or your friend's own parent are all good people to tell. If you are not sure what to do, a helpline can talk it through with you first.
Your friend might be upset with you at first. Most people later understand that it came from caring about them.
Looking after yourself
- It is normal to feel scared, angry, tired or guilty when someone you care about is struggling.
- You are not responsible for keeping them safe on your own. That is a job for adults and professionals, with you beside them.
- Talk to someone about how you are doing too.
- Keep doing the things that help you feel steady, even small ones.
When to get more help
Talk to an adult you trust, a doctor or a helpline if:
- Your friend talks about wanting to die, mentions a plan, or starts saying goodbye or giving things away. Tell an adult today.
- Worry about a friend is with you most of the time and is affecting your sleep, school or mood.
- Your friend is in danger right now or has already hurt themselves. Call your local emergency number now.
You don't have to work it out alone
On Avelune, lots of people are supporting a friend through something hard. You can post anonymously about what you are carrying. If someone there seems at risk, tap Report on their post and choose "I'm worried about them": it goes only to the admin, the person is never told who sent it, and the admin can reach out to them.
Avelune is peer support, not a clinical service. This page is general information, not medical advice.