Someone you love has died
Updated
When someone you love dies, whether it is a parent, a grandparent, a friend, a classmate or a pet, the world can feel strange and wrong. Everyone else seems to carry on while you are still trying to take in that they are gone.
There is no right way to grieve. You might cry a lot, or not at all. You might feel angry, guilty, numb or relieved, or laugh at the wrong moment. All of that is part of grief, and none of it means you loved them less.
Getting through the days
- Let it come in waves. Grief often hits hardest at unexpected moments, like a song, a smell or a quiet evening. It is okay to step out and take a breath.
- Keep some simple routines: meals, sleep, and school when you can manage it. They give the days some shape.
- Tell a teacher or a school counsellor what happened. They can often arrange extra time or a quiet place to go.
- Do something that keeps a connection with them: write them a letter, keep something of theirs, make a playlist, visit a place you shared.
- Let people help in small ways, even if you don't want to talk.
Things people don't always tell you
- Grief doesn't follow neat stages. Good days and bad days can come in any order.
- Feeling guilty about things you said or didn't say is very common. It is part of loving someone, not proof you did something wrong.
- Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can bring it all back, even years later. Planning something gentle for those days can help.
- Laughing, having fun or feeling okay again is not forgetting them.
Talking about them
Sometimes the people around you are grieving too, and it can feel like there is no room for your feelings. Talking about the person who died, saying their name or sharing a memory, can help you and the people around you. A school counsellor, a relative or a doctor can help as well, and some areas have grief groups just for young people.
When to get more help
Talk to an adult you trust, a doctor or a helpline if:
- Months have passed and the grief feels just as heavy, or heavier, most days.
- You can't sleep, eat or concentrate, or you have stopped seeing friends.
- You feel guilty all the time, or like nothing matters without them.
- You have thoughts of hurting yourself or not wanting to be here. Please reach out to a helpline or an adult you trust now.
You don't have to work it out alone
Grief comes up often on Avelune, and people there understand that it doesn't run to a timetable. You can post about the person you lost, or about how hard a day is, anonymously and as often as you need.
Avelune is peer support, not a clinical service. This page is general information, not medical advice.