When the voice in your head is cruel to you
Updated
A lot of people carry a voice that tells them they are stupid, ugly, annoying or not good enough. It can be so constant that it stops sounding like a voice and starts sounding like the truth.
It isn't the truth. That voice is usually built from old comments, comparisons and hard experiences, and it is far harsher than anyone who actually cares about you would be.
Ways to talk back to it
- Notice it and name it: "there's that voice again." Putting a little distance between you and the thought makes it easier to question.
- Ask what you would say to a friend who said this about themselves, and try saying that to yourself instead.
- Look for the evidence. Would the thought hold up if someone else looked at the facts?
- Swap "always" and "never" for something more accurate, like "today was hard".
Small things that rebuild it
- Write down one thing you did today, however small. Over a week the list says something the voice doesn't.
- Spend less time on accounts that leave you comparing yourself, and more with people who are kind to you.
- Do something you are good at, or used to enjoy, even for ten minutes.
- Look after the basics: sleep, food and getting outside all change how loud the voice is.
Talking about it
Harsh self-talk is something counsellors and doctors help with all the time. Telling a school counsellor or an adult you trust that you have been really hard on yourself lately is a good place to start.
When to get more help
Talk to an adult you trust, a doctor or a helpline if:
- You feel worthless or like a burden most days.
- The way you see yourself is stopping you from going to school, eating or seeing people.
- You feel hopeless about things ever changing.
- You have thoughts of hurting yourself or not wanting to be here. Please reach out to a helpline or an adult you trust now.
You don't have to work it out alone
Avelune is an anonymous place where people talk about exactly this, and where replies tend to be kinder than the voice in your head. You can post without a real name and see how others learned to answer theirs.
Avelune is peer support, not a clinical service. This page is general information, not medical advice.